"That’s Just How He Has Sex"
My name is Caylyn, I’m 18, and I had a horrific experience with a guy. The two pictures above are pictures of the two outfits I was wearing the two times I met this guys, the first being weeks before our encounter and the second being only a few weeks ago. So here it goes… I went to a party where I ran into this very dark, broody, egotistical douchebag of a guy who i had met once before and through my stupid drunken mind I found him and his completely asshole “compliments” attractive. To paraphrase what he has said that night: He kept telling me that I looked prettier than I did the first time I met him (the first picture) because my hair would be more fun to pull without all the pins in it and I looked like less of a whore with my tits not popping out. Take note that the day after this party when I told my friend that he had said this to me her response was “So you knew he was going to be a dick before you slept with him.” She still thinks the whole encounter was my fault.
By the end of the night I let him take me to a bed in the house. Our sexual encounter started out with me being more than willing to consent to everything he did to me, and it was very enjoyable—but the second he took off his condom and pinned me down and started shoving his dry dick in my ass I started telling him to stop because despite being too drunk to walk, it hurt more than anything I’ve ever experienced. All he did was cover my mouth and continue telling me that I would love it soon and that once I got him going there was no stopping him.
When it was over I was too sore to move and so I laid there as he told me to stop crying because only the pretty girls get to “finish” during sex. When I wouldn’t stop crying he started kissing me and running his hands through my hair and telling me that I enjoyed it, he told me I was beautiful and meant for submission. At some point I fell asleep and when I woke up he was gone.
When I told my friend what her party guest had done to me, her response was “And this is why we don’t sleep with______ (I’m not sharing his name). He’s a douche in bed. Everyone knows that. Sorry, should have warned you.”
This is rape culture.
This guy is let off the hook again and again because that’s just how he has sex and everyone who knows him knows that. His friends say it’s not rape because he does it to every girl he sleeps with. His ex girlfriend said that she put up with it because it’s the only way he could get off.
I found out later that day that another friend of mine had slept with him at a party earlier this year, and he had strangled her during sex to the point where she blacked out for a few minutes, and had even taken off his condom despite her complaints.
I probably won’t ever see him again but I feel like he took a part of me with him when he left, and I’m not sure what to do.
Sex is no longer appealing to me. Dates are terrifying. Boys who look at me in the bar are all out to hurt me. The guy who I’ve been sleeping with on a regular basis, has become one of my closest friends is the only guy to ever actually given me copious amount of pleasure during sex and I trust him wholeheartedly in bed even when we are trying something that makes me nervous at first. In short, I know I can trust him with my body no matter what. Even he scares me.
People, please please just understand that consent doesn’t mean you have full range to a person’s body. You have no idea the damage it can do to a person when you totally destroy the trust they had in you while consenting to sex. I am a different person because of this. Sex is no longer a fun time for me. This is what he has done. Also when your friend is telling you that they got raped, and I don’t care what you consider rape, you support them and don’t give them bullshit excuses.
Thank you for reading, this was super hard to post but I really needed to get this off my chest. Please consider everything I’ve said.
- Caylyn, age 18